Most people don’t know this but your ‘ideal self’ is actually an identity thief.
Think about the current ideal version of you you’re trying to build at the moment - the perfect morning routine, the curated aesthetic bedroom, the never-messy existence, you think that it’s to make you happy but you are actually self imposing somebody else’s life onto your own, stunting your own growth, after all we are all different it’s not one size fits all.
I’ve been there SO MANY times and I can tell you exactly how it goes. You’re scrolling like a silly billy on Pinterest and you see this influencer posting this gorgeously arranged pin of her routine, she wakes up at 5AM or if she’s cheeky and daring even at 3AM (trust me I’ve seen some) and they slowly but gorgeously glide through a minimalist kitchen in their beautiful lounge wear to make a barista level aesthetic drink, don’t they look so peaceful? Look at you! Sitting there like a potato. HOW DARE YOU BE HUMAN?! You ask yourself. THAT’S IT! I’m buying that loungewear, tomorrow I am waking up same time, I’m also buying a f**k off expensive journal to come with it why not. MY LIFE CHANGES NOW!
You spend the money, you might even wake up in time but by the at most fourth day you feel drained exhausted and revert back to your old self completely disappointed feeling like you must be the problem, I AM NOT DISCIPLINED ENOUGH!
But here discipline is not the problem the problem is far deeper you just got tricked into wanting the wrong thing. Turns out what you wanted was not the fleeting aesthetic but something much deeper. Internal peace in this chaotic world.
We don’t buy items we buy emotional states these items represent, and it’s always been like that. Prime example being perfumes. Think of the last perfume advert you watched? Unless you have super powers and smelt it through the screen you might have noticed what they try to sell you is how you’d feel if you bought the perfume. Same logic with the Pinterest influencers it’s now up to you to figure out. What are you looking for. what emotions are you regulating?
Returning to the identity thieving, you know why it does not work? Your brain is rebelling to your 3AM nonsense, it’s saying to you. Hold on! That’s not who we are and actively rejects the routine as it is just a plain ghost blueprint of someone else’s life.
So how do you build an ideal self for you without letting an algorithm decide for you?
Firstly, ask yourself WHEN do I feel the most energised? Is it morning? Is it night? WHAT makes me feel the most energised and alive? What do you do that makes you feel good? Build a routine around your best days
Now that you know that it’s time to fulfill the need you are chasing with the Pinterest nonsense. Look back at Pinterest/insta/TikTok etc and see what aesthetics you tend to gravitate towards and analyse what emotional sense are they trying to fulfil? For example I keep finding myself looking at super colourful, dream core, liminal aesthetics and for the longest time I wanted to be in the backrooms (ikr, wildin) I realised what I craved was escapism, and a break from this chaotic digitally filled life. So I decided to delete all socials and retreated in my own space to do my own thing this helped a lot regulate myself and come back improved. It worked great for me.
So, next time you see that Pin on Pinterest and try to build your 20th identity of the year, step back and think are you actually building your own identity or stealing theirs?
PS. if you like me are seeking a way out of this toxic digital filled life and want a break, I am running a snail mail club called the inner child snail mail where I fight brain rot by sending out letters each month relating to a childhood theme and present self development. The letters contain a letter (well duh) 👀, an activity, a creative project, a self care pill with a prompt inside, 3 trading cards. All designed and curated by me
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